Away From the Sun
by the-lesbionic-woman
Summary: (One-Shot) Karma's going through some turbulent times in situations she never thought she'd find herself in. Is she strong enough to stay in the light of day or will she leave the warmth of the sun?


**Disclaimer/ Author's Note: **I still own nothing but this laptop. I threw away the empty hamster cage because it just made me sad. But you guys! You guys have been leaving me such sweet reviews, and I really appreciate every single nice comment you've all left me. I never expected such a good response to anything I've written. It's been very nice. I hope you all continue with me on my insane fanfiction journey of writing the characters I love! _Get It Out_ will definitely be updated sometime in the near future! Without further ado…

A short one-shot for you all!

Away From the Sun

She's so funny. She's amazing and beautiful and just… She's a ray of freaking sunshine, okay? I feel so conflicted all the time now. She's been my best friend forever, and now it seems like something's changed. Ever since we decided to fake being lesbians, she's been kind of withdrawn and quieter than usual which in itself freaks me out. I miss her.

"Amy?"

"Hmm?" she says, flipping a page of her book.

"Can we talk?" I ask. I perch gently on the edge of her bed.

I need her to understand. I rest my hand on her arm, stroking the soft skin there and try not to look into her wide, somewhat panicked eyes.

"Karma?" her voice is small, nervous.

I look up into the sun, the brightness of her blinding me so completely I nearly forget what I want to talk to her about.

"Are you… still okay about this thing with Liam?"

"I… Yes?"

She's unsure. I can tell. She's biting her lip, and her fingers are digging into her comforter. I lean forward without a thought as to what I'm doing and wrap her in my arms, trailing my lips across her cheek to her ear.

"You don't have to," I whisper to her, but I am almost positive as to why she shivers. I can feel the tremor run down her spine. "I would never force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with."

She gulps; I can feel the involuntary action on my shoulder. I rub my hands up and down her back. I need this closeness perhaps more than she does. She has no idea.

I've faked all of this so far, I've embedded us so deeply in this lie there's no way to climb out of it without looking like a total tool, and I can see the hurt and uncertainty I've caused Amy. I see it in the hesitation she has in the way she talks to me sometimes.

"I told you, I don't want to back out," she says nervously. "Unless you want me to."

"Never," I tell her with a smile as I interlock our fingers.

This isn't really all I want to talk to her about it, but whatever wavering confidence I'd had has completely diminished now. I haven't ever felt this weird sensation in my stomach when it comes to Amy. All of my crazy hormones have been reserved for Liam Booker and his kind. But I see Amy, this wide-eyed, lovely girl, and I feel like I want to protect her. I want to be by her side, and it's so confusing. Is this just because we're so close? Or is it because I want to get closer to her than I ever thought I would? Has the line between fiction and reality started to blur? All these questions have been keeping me up at night, and now I find myself drifting off until she waves her hand in front of my eyes.

"Karma?"

"What?"

"I asked if that was all you wanted to talk about?" she questions in her small voice. I squeeze her fingers.

"Yeah," I say, "it is."

She doesn't look satisfied. I know she knows I'm not telling the whole truth; she can always see through me so clearly that it's nearly pointless to withhold anything. But I need to keep some things to myself, at least for now, at least until I'm sure. She narrows her eyes but stays silent; I can see the questions burning in her eyes even as she looks away from me.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" I ask when the silence gets heavy and thick with something I'm not sure I'm ready to identify. "Shane is having a party."

"I'd actually rather stay in tonight, if you don't mind," she says lightly. I nod.

"Movies?"

I lay next to her after we pick some random movie that Netflix just added. The space between us feels far too far, and her breath hitches as I press my body as close to her as I can. I just want to exist in her space. It's so weird to me, so confusing, how much I _need_ things that I've never _needed _before. She smells like jasmine which I know is her favorite body wash, but tonight it's so overpowering that with each breath I take, I feel the scent of jasmine take root in my memory. Just like she digs her long fingers further into my soul, the softness of her skin next to mine makes me dig deep for a different explanation to the butterflies I'm feeling when she glances at me to see me still gazing at her.

"Do I have something on my face?" she asks worriedly, her brows scrunching up like they do when she's confused. I tap the creases in her forehead lightly with my finger.

"No, just was thinking," I say openly.

"About?"

"Nothing in particular," I respond perhaps too hastily. "You know, you're pretty amazing, Amy."

I watch the light pinkness of a blush creep up her neck and take root on the tops of her ears. I want to trace the path with my hand, but I can't. It isn't like that.

Liam, think of Liam. Not how much you want to touch her. She's the sun. You can't touch her, but you can touch Liam.

"What makes you say that?" she asks me, suddenly locking her eyes on mine in an unwavering, challenging gaze. Daring me to answer honestly.

"Just," I begin and fumble through a haze of words I want to say. "All this stuff with your mom. I know it hurts your feelings, and I doubt the stuff I'm throwing you into is helping at all. I'm sorry for that. But you've just started growing into yourself. You're amazing."

She smiles softly, and I _do_ reach up with my fingertips to lightly stroke her cheek. She leans in a little at the touch. The moment grows and drapes a haze of warmth over us, and impulsively I give her a chaste kiss on the soft lips I've memorized in all but my waking thoughts. She looks as taken aback as I feel. I just give her a smile and turn my attention on the movie I've already missed over half of. I am lost but I didn't want to admit I'd been looking at her the whole time so I stare unblinkingly at the flickering television until she looks back too.

- A Week Later -

I've done something cruel. I've brought Amy shopping for lingerie with me, and I make her wait outside of the dressing room. I pick out something I know she'd think is cute, pink with black lace draped over it. As I throw open the curtain, I see her eyes widen and her jaw tighten.

I watch the way her throat constricts and she nervously bouncing around on the hells of her feet. I suggest rehearsing, and I'm pretty sure she almost faints.

I know what I'm doing is selfish. I know I'm being kind of a jerk. I can't explain this weird feeling bubbling up inside of me.

Maybe you can be too good at faking it.

Because when her voice gets higher and she keeps glancing down, I really have to restrain myself from walking the few steps toward her to pin her against the wall and taste the Winterfresh gum she likes to chew sometimes. Instead, I turn to look in the mirror again. For the rest of the night, I try to act as normal as possible. Well, almost.

I don't stop my hand from brushing hers on the way to her house. I don't do much to not peek when she's changing into her own outfit and trench coat for our "rehearsal." My eyes trace up her smooth legs, to the way her boy shirts kiss the top of her thighs as she's tying the coat closed around her waist, to her hair, spilling in golden curls down her back. My heart is racing in the best possible way.

I feel every beat of my heart, every pulse of blood through my veins, and I'm very aware of the warmth settling in my body. She is the sun. She always has been the best version of my own soul.

What am I doing? Could I possibly go through with this rehearsal stuff?

Amy turns to me with her sparkling eyes glued to me, framed by midnight eyeliner and gorgeous waves that her mother always calls limp and lifeless. I can't think of anything that has more life than those twirling strands of hers. I walk up to her and tug a lock of hair. She gives me a tight, nervous smile.

"I'll do you first, okay?" I say hoarsely, and I clear my throat, trying to rid myself of these quite obvious feelings bubbling up in my chest.

I tug the loose knot open, and she laughs a nervous little laugh that has my eyes shooting back up to hers. Her body is tugged closer to mine as the belt falls by her hips, leaving her open. I bite my lip as discretely as I can. I reach out to push the fabric away from her bare collarbones. As my fingertips brush over them, her breath hitches.

My mouth goes dry. I didn't know Amy was so… for a lack of a better, more tasteful word… sexy. The black bra she was wearing kisses her skin, and with trembling hands, I trace the route of the fabric across her chest and up her shoulders. The tiny gasp echoes in my ear, fighting its way down to the lowest part of my stomach. I thread my hands through her hair. Her eyes darken so I can barely see the color I find my home in. I see my own uncertainty and flushed face in her pupils.

I open and close my mouth a few times, and her eyes drop to my lips. We lean in to each other, and her lips ghost against mine. My heart bottoms out just as I lean forward to press against hers more firmly. My hands fall from her hair to slide around her bare waist.

She exhales into my mouth, and I take the opportunity to deepen the kiss. I can't place what her mouth tastes like, maybe a mix between long years of friendship and hot summer nights laying on each other by the pool, perhaps something that's just Amy; I don't think I could ever guess. Another tiny moan.

I push the coat gently off her shoulders and walk her back to the wall. As soon as her back hits it, she grunts and throws herself into the kiss so suddenly I couldn't get a handle on my breathing. I'm gasping in between kisses. Her fingers are digging into whatever bare skin of mine she can reach as she shoves the coat off of me. My gasps are coming faster, and soon, I'm saying her name in a way I didn't think was possible. We're only kissing but it feels like so much more.

Like days, weeks, of something building finally beginning to erupt.

Liam's ringtone echoes through the room, and she rips herself away, sliding out from under me. I feel the loss of her keenly. She doesn't look at me as I lower my outstretched fingers. I'm in a daze. But the warmth is gone; she's gone. Her eyes are guarded as she hands me the phone. I think about tossing it aside and explaining everything I feel to her.

"Amy-" I begin, but she's already wordlessly heading to the bathroom. I hear the shower switch on. The thing that really stings is the sound of the lock reverberating in the empty room. I feel hollow.

"Karma?" Liam's voice seems to boom.

"Yeah?" I reply shakily. He doesn't pick up on anything.

"Are we still on for tomorrow?"

A million excuses bubble up. I say none of them. Who says Amy even actually wants me? Who knows for sure that Amy would be okay with it just being her and me instead of a boy barrier that I wasn't even sure I wanted anymore? Liam I could have. I know I can have him, no matter what doubts I had at one time.

"Yeah," I blandly say and keep my eyes trained on the door. "Yeah we are."

And so I close my phone and lay back on her bed, listening to the shower. She always sang in the shower. It's silent. The tears burn at the corner of my eyes, and I turn on my side facing her window. I turn away from the memory of her. I turn away from the sun.


End file.
